Content or crap?

What drives viewership these days? I sometimes really wonder. Is it the content or just anything in the name of entertainment?

I will not really vouch for content since you can count them with your fingers some good number of programs and the rest you have to just thrown them all out of the window.

What in the name of TV programming are we watching today? Why are we having so much crap to add to our misery?

With time and mainly with the advent of CNN broadcasted ME war in the 90’s there started a trend of satellite invasions into our lives and the rest as we know is history…
Forget programs, imagine the laundry list of TV stations… I think if you take the current scenario in India, there is a good 600+ TV channels available in your set top box… Phew! Is it enough or do you need more?

Programming on Indian telly scene has gone an enormous change.

You take the 80s and before, it was a real boom time for the viewers and the producers alike. With little investment, they could come out with amazingly produced TV programs. There was no competition then! We still had the best programs we could ask for… Malgudi days, Bharat Ek Khoj, Ramayan, Mahabharat, Buniyaad, Hum log, Karamchand just to name a few… There was good mix of drama and comedy based programs which are being talked about even today and have so much relevancy even today!

During the 90’s it was a boom time for producers to make programs for the satellite channels and hence there was a lot of focus on drama based content mainly with programs like Tara, Banegi Apni baat, Hum Paanch, Dekh Bhai Dekh, Zabaan Sambhaalke, Saanp Seedhi, Shriman Shrimati, Quiz shows and the likes

So what really sells these days? Let’s look at what drives a program’s success?
1. Use the big news makers
Use the big news in your program. Audience yearns for the big news. They are no longer the viewers who will take your ideas seriously. If today you are putting an actor on screen who has had a brutal past and he/ she was in the public eye, just use them and your content is ready (For whatever crap that maybe)
I would like to cite examples here:
o Monica bedi who had an alleged link-up with gangster Dawood Ibrahim is appearing everywhere now. First it was Big brother, then some stupid dance program, then she’s also doing some movies down south. What a time for her!
o We heard that apparently Osama Bin Laden’s sister was on reality television

2. Create a news!
When you have run out of ideas and don’t know what do, then create a bizarre situation and let the audience then decide what to do next. Even if they hate it… they will still talk about it!
Like what happened in one of the dance programs aired recently. Imagine sport legends like Mohinder Amarnath, Baichung bhutia dancing to the tunes and being judged by some stupid judges. I would still imagine using these legends in promoting a certain sport so that there is enough awareness about it. But who has the time for all that nonsense!

3. Have any concept and sell it!
I mean these days anything sells on television. Seriously.
So many programs in the name of reality television

  • You take a song or a dance program and right from your new born baby to your great grand mother every one can sing and dance to prove their mettle
  • When you are not dancing, you can make people laugh! Open any channel and search their programs you are bound to find one reality comedy show. Watch one episode and you will find them all the same. Have a judge who will keep on laughing like a dumb ass (read Navjyot Singh Sidhu, Archana Puran Singh) and you will think that the audience will go to splits! Do you?
  • Then you have the roadies, big brother, sarkar ki duniya and what not. All in the name of providing entertainment to today’s generation. As if we have nothing else to do

4. Over dramatize it!
Look at the programs of today. Serials et all. It’s pure drama in the name of society and culture. They say that these serials reflect our culture and the social fabric of this amazing nation called India. That’s purely bull shit. Can you relate to any of these characters these actors portray on the telly? No way. I can imagine the highly affluent lot but when we talk about a broad Indian scenario it has to be the medium/ below average audiences. All these drama that we see today is so highly overrated.

5. When you have nothing to tell…
Yeah, when you have nothing to say just drape all the sets, cast, episodes with some amazing make over and you have a program that is as rich and vibrant as India. Really? You name it and you can create an episode around it using the date and situation to your full capacity like Holi, Diwali and what not… you could just go on and on and on…

6. News is not news anymore…
I mean seriously, news is not NEWS anymore. Look at the news channels today. They just keep on harping the same stuff and to add further salt to our wounds they will give you enough masaledaar (I mean spicy) news about some celebrity or even worse a round up on what’s happening on some reality show as if you are just dying to hear the status of the contestants and what will happen thereafter

7. Child sentiments…
I agree children can sell anything. Any Goddam thing in the world. Use their innocence to the extreme. Even at the cost of your TRPs (Television Rating Points) Make them sing, dance, cry, laugh whatever and let the money keep pouring in! I can imagine a child reality program, but what if you mix them up with adult participants and make them dance with them. Whatever politics and stakes are involved with the older participants, let them be passed on to the kids too! Yeah, that’s a good show!

8. Age of remakes
What we are about to witness is just the beginning of a never ending saga of remakes and more remakes. First it was Sahara one who roped in Raveena to do the remake of Sahib bibi aur Ghulam serial remake. Now it’s the turn of NDTV Imagine to bring in the twin dramedy “Seeta aur geeta” which is currently being promoted by Hema Malini herself.
Talk about novelty will you? This will only continue even further and there will be more to follow

I seriously think this will only get worse in the coming years. What our kids would finally see when they wake up in their teens is a different concern altogether.

Until then I am pretty happy watching MTV, FTV or even NGC or a discovery and you be happy that you just got your kick out of a T20!

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The wonder years with DD

  

“Time is a companion that goes with us on a journey. It reminds us to cherish each moment, because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived.”

 

Patrick Stewart, from the film “Star Trek: Generations”

 

 

I still remember that day when my grandpa bought our first ever TV at home.

It was like an event by itself. A day to mark our calendars as to when it was purchased.

 

Although we were used to living in a very small 10×10 house (Kitchen, bedroom, hall rolled into 1!) our TV always got the best place to rest. It was one thing that demanded a special place in the house. So much so that we used to fight who will clean the TV and keep it neat and tidy. There used to be a constant quarrel when something rested atop her! The watches and purses would be shown their way if they ever sat on her head! So much was her demanded attention!

 

During the 80’s there were the Solidaires, Murphy, Dyanora but we had a “Televista”. Nestled inside a dark brown wooden cover this little thing used to gather much admiration from the kids to the older folks alike. And when we got her inside our home whole chawl gang used to flock to our place for entertainment sake.

Suddenly we were the most famous people around. And our house used to be always filled with kids and other folks just because of this little entertainer!

 

Till early-90s DD was the only broadcaster in India. It was not alone, but was still the most prominent one. Today a lot of other private broadcasters have captured the mainstream television in India, but there are still a few of us who cherish those olden days of DD. And as obvious as it may sound, this blog is specifically dedicated to bring out those old memories…


 

It’s very difficult to single out reasons for liking those old serials.

There were many factors… less influence, less interaction with other channels like online media, Cinema was considered a luxury, and so on and so forth. So obviously TV was the only source of entertainment.

 

However, simplicity, closeness to reality of the plots, mature direction, quality acting, diversity of subjects, the amazing actors and social relevance are something that characterized serials of those times.

 

I witnessed it when Zee first launched its free-to-air satellite channel (Oct’92) hosting programs such as Tara, Saanp seedi etc. It was such a welcome change for all of us. But little did we all know what was the future to hold and what we are witnessing today is that unknown side of media influence that we are exposed today.

 

In all fairness, I will surely say that DD did host a range of high-quality shows in its early days and I am just quoting some few yet excellent work of art that I viewed as a child:

 

Some amazing programs that were meant for the entire family

Malgudi days

 

I remember this serial watching as a kid and growing up with it. Master Manjunath as Swami in this serial was simply superb. The serial used to start with a signature tune of “Ta na na, tana na na na…” and we used to leave everything aside with our eyes glued to the b/w TV set.

Malgudi Days is a collection of short stories by R.K.Narayan focusing on the trial and tribulations of a small Indian town of Malgudi. The serial Malgudi Days was directed by the late Kannada actor and director, Shankar Nag in 1987, and was shot entirely near Agumbe in Shimoga District, Karnataka. The music was by L. Vaidyanathan and produced by T.S. Narasimhan of the Padam Rag Films. It included many of Narayan’s short stories and novels such as Swami (Master Manjunath) and Friends and The Vendor of Sweets.

 

Programs like Katha Saagar, Dada dadi ki kahaniyaan had something new to offer every week. Each episode being different from the other. Moreso like short stories.

 

The comedy genre included great works like Yeh joh hai zindagi, Mr Ya Mrs, Wah Janaab!, Dekh bhai dekh, (Although it came late, it is still considered a favorite even today) Satish Shah, Swaroop Sampat, Archana puran Singh, Ravi Baswani, Rakesh Bedi were instant household names.

Then there were some amazing western comedy in the name of Different strokes, Here’s Lucy, Some mothers do have ‘em, To the manor born, Yes minister… Can you beat that?

 

Programs on Indian culture and its rich history and heritage…

Bharat ek khoj (The Discovery of India)

 

Based on the book by Jawaharlal Nehru this documentary was quite popular amongst everyone in the family. Shot beautifully to give a film like appearance, I guess as a kid we all enjoyed watching and growing up on this serial. If I remember right this used to come on Sunday mornings. Truly Amazing!

Spanning 53 episode that dramatically unfolds the 5000 year history of India from its beginnings to the coming of independence in 1947, it is a series of explorations into the different periods of Indian history and was made in 1988 by the writer, director and producer Shyam Benegal. The serial is based on a book written by the historian and the first Prime Minister of independent India, Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru, titled The Discovery of India. The boasted of Om Puri and Roshan Seth. Pandit Nehru was portrayed by Roshan Seth, With an amazing pictorial presentation of Roshan Seth and enchanting tough voice of Om Puri making the serial one of the best TV series aired in India

 

Surabhi

One of India’s best known programs covering its rich, colorful and vast insights about the culture. Who can forget the anchors Renuka Shahane and Siddarth Kak (Also producer)

This was one of the longest running programs in Indian TV history spanning a good 10 years or probably more. So much has been said about this program and so many awards to add to its glory. Truly good piece of work!

 

The daily soaps

 

These were truly poignant and path breaking serials. None of us could wait till the next airing of the episode. Who can forget the plots/ episodes of Hum log, Buniyaad, Shrikaant, Swayamsiddah, Trishna etc Lajoji was such a household name that no one can actually match the acting skills that Anita Kanwar had. The look of a typical Indian mother. I guess what Mother India did for Nargis, Buniyad had done for Anita Kanwar.

And let’s not forget the Opening lines “Chan pakaiya, chan pakaiya, chann ke oopar…” goes the line when Shri. (Late) Ashok Kumar comes on screen. He was the sutradhar of the another most popular program Hum Log. Can we forget Baseshar Ram, Badki, Chutki, Nanhey? Oh my gosh, it was so nostalgic!

I really thank God that I was a kid then and Ekta Kapoor was not even born then! $%#@ what the hell would have happened to us then! Imgaine, all her “K” serials running then? Oops, I don’t wanna screw this blog by saying anything more about her… lets just come back to our good ‘ol times.

 

The thrillers

Imagine what Pankaj Kapur and Sushmita Mukherjee had done to all of us. Suddenly every one started consuming carrot so much. It became more of a lifestyle to ape Karamchand in his own style. Though it was touted as a thriller, it had extremely funny moments with some amazing chemistry between the two protagonists Karamchand and Kitty. Byomkesh Bakshi what saw Rajit Kapur essay that role was nothing short of genius. While Karamchand had a sly humor to it, Byomkesh was more of a serious program with lots of introspection!

Shwetambara was another Marathi serial with lots of twists and turns in the plots. Another serial that we all just used to love watching.

 

Kids time

The program that first comes to my mind is Jungle book… Superbly composed opening track by the hugely talented Vishal Bharadwaj and lyrics by the legendry lyricist Gulzar. My all time fave Gulzar’s song, “Jungle jungle baat chali hai pata chala hai… array chaddi pahan ke phool khila hai, phool khila hai” Wow! How can one ever think of writing a song about a kid and relating that to a flower with words like chaddi and all! Truly amazing and none other than Gulzar can come up with such poetry!

Then there was Spiderman, He-Man and the masters of the Universe, … we still had so much innocence in our taste. Star Trek, Fireball XL5 (Remember… I wish I was a spaceman, the fastest guy alive… the song goes)

They may seem trifle now but what impact it had in our minds and lifestyle. Atleast as kids we didn’t go astray compared to what the current genX is being exposed to! I am a pucca Madrasi born and raised in Mumbai, but as a kid we all still used to watch Kilbil, Santakukdi etc Although these were in Marathi on the local feed, we used to go gag a over these programs. So much so that even programs like Aamchi Maati Aamchi Mansa was like highly viewed programs which were aimed at rural audiences. Some amazing cartoons like Ek Anek, Tree of unity which were more like fillers used t light up our faces.

 Funny but very nice ones!

 

The Epics

Epic serials like Ramayan, Mahabharat used to generate huge ratings. Stars like Mukesh Khanna, Rupa ganguly, Arun Govil, Deepika became huge stars so much so that they couldn’t be accepted on any other roles that they ventured onto. Such was the strength of the program and its impact on the daily lives of Indian public. I still remember my ex bosses and some colleages discussing that the scene in Mahabharata where Mukesh Khanna (Bhishm pitamaha) dies, the episode garnered the maximum ratings ever almost 94%. Imagine a program gathering 94 TRPs! Wow!

 

Then there are other initiatives done by DD to foster unity in the hearts and minds of Indian audiences which resulted in truly amazing work such as… Miley sur mera tumhara… All time classic!


 

Musical programs

Our only source to the world of music was through Chayageet (Fridays), Chitrahaar (Wednesdays) and Rangoli (Sunday early mornings)

I also remember there used to be a program called Top of the Pops and Europops (If I guessed it right!) Top of the Pops used to appear on the first Friday of every month @ 11:00 pm and this program was sponsored by Vimal. These were the times when kids like us got to know who Madonna is and with her posters adorning our walls… sheer delight!

And this led to various musical countdown programs… This was the pre MTV generation during our times. Limited access but huge fan following and amazing impact.

 

The list still goes on… but I guess at my age if I can still remember all this then it is something to talk about! How I wish we were still trapped in that age, era when all was so good and great.

 

But as time passes, it leaves behind a trail like footsteps in the sand. So that other can learn and see where it leads them.

 

Such was our journey when we were young and what we have achieved now. I guess with such humble beginnings we now realize the value and importance media played in our lives.

 

But then as they say, “We are made wise not just by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future”

 

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You just need a reason to be in the news

 

Anything can happen on media these days.

 

Seriously, when all the guys thought that we are done with item queens on movies, out of no where she came and made waves (Well, that’s what she thought!)

 

Being an item queen has its own perks I guess…

 

  • You get to wear the most revealing costumes
  • The songs are given extra care (With a dash of some steamy jhatkas or some jhakaas matkaas)
  • If it’s the first song ever performed, khalaas, the girl is branded as a Sex bomb, the “It girl”
  • Whatever wood she goes, she gets her due I mean Bolly, tolly, molly, wolly, sholly, rolly… whatever you call it
  • The hero or villain or the partner in the song gets “full chance maro” on her (Well, this part of the perk goes to the “chance maro’er”)

 

Ya, I was definitely talking about our Maharashtrachi mulgi… Rakhi Sawant

 

Born on November 25, 1978. Rakhi Sawant is a brown eyed Bollywood Actress & Indian model.

She has always been in controversies ever since she staged herself in the bollywood industry. She has to be in news for different reasons.

Be it the love for animals or for the jailed rakhi is there for everyone.

 

Here’s a sneak peek at her controversies.

 

Controversy #1 (Hurting Buddhists sentiments)

In a television show, Rakhi Ki Jaisi, that was aired on April 28, 2007, viewers were given a glimpse into her lavish and ostentatious lifestyle. While taking the TV crew around the house, Rakhi took them to her bathroom, where she had kept a statuette of Buddha. A section of viewers in Amravati took strong objection to this, tagging it an “insulting” gesture. Large number of Dalits led by Dilip Edatkar and Dadasaheb Kshirsagar staged demonstrations against Rakhi at the district collectorate. The demonstrators tore and burnt her effigy and posters and hit placards of her pictures with shoes and slippers. According to sources, Mahesh Tayade of Dalit Panthers lodged a complaint against Rakhi with Frezarpura police station. In his complaint, Tayade stated that by keeping a statuette of Lord Buddha in her bathroom, Rakhi has hurt the religious sentiments of the community and she must seek public apology.

The case was filed under Section 295 of the Indian Penal Code for intending to insult a religion.

 

Controversy #2 (Mika Kiss)

 

Rakhi accused Mika, brother of pop singer Daler Mehandi, of molesting her at a private function in Mumbai early Sunday, police said.

The incident took place at around 2 am today at `Someplace Else’, a restaurant in suburban Andheri. The occasion was Mika’s birthday party, he said. “Mika and Rakhi have known each other for the last few years. She went to the party after being requested by Mika”, he added. At the party, instead of the `customary form of greeting like hug or a peck, Mika kissed her forcibly”, Awasthi charged. Mika’s bodyguards also roughed up a friend of Rakhi, he said adding “Mika immediately left for Delhi”.

Oshiwara police said a case has been registered against Mika under sections 323 (assault) and 354 (molestation) of IPC.

 

 

 

Controversy #3 (Silicone Implants)

Rakhi Sawant ’s exaggerated physical assets have often raised a question: Is she all natural? Many obvious guesses have been made in this regard, but Rakhi never came clean on the issue. In an interview to Mumbai’s Mid-Day, Rakhi showed remarkable frankness in accepting that she has got breast implants to enhance her beauty and sex appeal. Rakhi told the tabloid that she got the implants one and a half years back by a specialist doctor in Dubai. Rakhi revealed that before the operation she was quite flat on top. Previously she was 32. Now she is 36.

 

Controversy #4 (Big Boss)

This was one show that really put her on the “to be watched” list. Seeing her was like one riot. It was one hell of a comedy show. This show was full of controversies galore! Be it her fights with Kashmira shah and the others… well the viewers had their share of hearty laughs

 

As if all this is not enough… she is all set to woo her would-be fiancé on the Indian telly!

 

Can you beat this, she is coming on screens daily asking viewers “Kya aap thaamenge mera haath?” (Will you marry me?)

 

Rakhi sawant on “Rakhi ka Swayamwar” on NDTV Imagine

 

I wonder to what levels people will go to stay in the news.

I wonder what else would be in store…

 

Is our TV viewing restricted to just watching serials, game shows, movies, music, sports and documentaries? What in the name of reality television are we supposed to get entertained?

Now please don’t Imagine… with NDTV imagine

 

We can digest talent search on reality television. I guess we are used to drags like Big boss.

Now a marriage reality show?

 

Now I wonder what levels of tasks will be there in place for these aspiring husbands?

What the prospective guys will have to do to woo their prospective “Item Biwi”

  • “Mera pati bawarchi round” (Best cook)
  • “My personal dishwasher round” (Best dish washer and quick too!)
  • “Who’s the best massager round” (Here for the first time, guys will get to massage Rakhi live on TV)
  • “Who can impress Rakhi’s mom?” round
  • Maximum push-ups round (Yeah, this is the make or break round)

 

This show will have its own share of controversies for sure. Right from the marriage bureau, pandits, social workers, mahila mandals you name it.

While the whole nation will curse her new found idea of choosing her ideal husband, they would still sneak through the corner of their eyes to see what’s happening in the world of Rakhi sawant.

 

And while they do that, this Item (read sample here) will be happy that her yet another step is creating further ripples.

 

And while saying that, I wonder what her contemporaries would be upto. Imagine the Kashmiras, Sambhavanas, Mink, Rosa and all the other X rated stars of her likes would be upto…

 

So, mere pyare bhaiyon… Dil thaam ke baithiye…your dream queen is about to be your Wife.

 

And when you do that… You may well be the news!

 

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The serial killers cometh

First things first…

 

I suggest you please buy a pack of chicklets coz’ this will take a bit time to grab the nuances of the business of serial making.

 

Chew… chew… chew…

 

Now you are game…

 

Well to cut it short, you can make anything and you’re done.

That’s it the blog for today is over…

 

 

No, seriously that’s the fad these days. Think anything and do anything. I guess the channels will buy it.

 

For starters, let’s have a short session on the art of Serial making in 10 easy steps

 

1) Whats your favourite song?

Ill count 1 to 10 and you have to tell me your favourite songs ok?

  1. Pehli nazar mein aisa jaadoo kar diya…
  2. Dil gira dafatan
  3. Tujh mein rab dikhta hai
  4. Haule haule ho jayega pyaar
  5. Phir milenge chalte chalte
  6. Love mera hit hit

So, once you have selected your fave song, close your eyes and move your finger around the song list (Please use your friends help) and Bingo! Atleast the title to your serial is ready…

 

2) The plot

No. No. You don’t need to buy a plot to make a serial. (Ya, once you make money of course you can) Here we are talking about the story, the theme, the plots etc

So, get going on that one!

I will give you a nice clue actually…

It’s a gaon scene (Village baba!)

The girl has big dreams… wanna marry a rich dude… who will come on horse like a knight in shining armor…

She’s a typical middle class babe (But you should show her in a jhakaas outfit… we’ll come to that later)

So this you can drag for almost 6 months

Then she goes to sheher (I mean city) meets the man of her dreams…

They fall in love… the guy has already a girlfriend (to drag the story even further)

And so on and so forth…

 

See all the titles fit the above story J

 

3) The sub-plots

These are the most important threads to the main story… some examples are cited below

  • Enter the heroine’s mom’s long lost boy friend
  • Enter the heroine’s husband (She was a victim of child marriage)
  • Enter the dad’s long lost girl friend (see everyone has a past…)
  • Importance of live-in relationships, affairs, abortions (Put these twists sudden and unannounced…) etc
  • And so on…
  • Please use these sub-plots once in 6 months or a year…

 

4) Years to kill…

The most successful part of successful serials are that they lasted much longer than their expiry dates (In spite of doctors prescription… oops! I mean the media planners)

A quick look at some historic series who lasted more than they could ever imagine…

  • Kyunki saas…
  • Kahaani ghar ghar ki…
  • Kasauti zindagi…
  • Kumkum… pyara sa badhan
  • Astitva… Ek prem kahani 

And mind you don’t back off until the channel walas kick your butt out. By that time you have made enough money to buy enough plots!

 

5) Styling the characters

Manish Malhotra has finally come down to the telly scene. Imagine all Mahabharata characters being dressedup by this guy… This guy made Urmila, Karisma, Rani, Kajol look their sexiest best. Well, you can imagine the Kuntis, Draupadis, Radhas of Mahabharata…

Don’t get too carried away with the characters…

They are not so important. Their dressing sense is.

If the gaon ki gori (Village belle) can wear impressive clothing (Churidars/ lehengas etc etc) our desi housewives will go ga ga over their fashion sense and the TRP rating (Television rating point) will naturally rise. They will start calling their friends to discuss that (Hey did u check lajo’s pink churidar on pehli nazar mein? Great naaa! I am planning to buy it for karwa chauth!) no wonder you will finally aid in boosting the telecom industry…

So guys, find the best tailor in town (Errrr….we should call them fashion designers… sorry for that)

 

6) Selecting the protagonists

Its not fair to give the importance of protagonists beyond 6 hence we will quickly come to this subject

Depending on the character select some near faded star (To boost her shine) or some good looking chick from Mithibai or Bhavans or some similar college and you have your protagonist ready.

As for males, select any random guy.

 

They all anyway act/ behave the same.

 

They anyway have nothing to do except give very good facial expressions… so coming to that, please, please ensure that the auditions that you do for the male stars covers facial expressions (Stuff like, puzzled, sad, sullen, surprise, What-The-F&%#-is-happening, Oh No!, Oh yes kinda expressions)

 

Serials are all about close-up shots so please ensure that the characters close-up shots are very well covered during auditions

 

7) Selecting the channel

Well, these days all of them are yearning for good quality serials. So please approach all of them. Your probability could be that all of them might accept your offer. Now, don’t give me any bull shit that they’ll decline. If they did, then how come all the serials have same story line across all the channels? Tell me?

 

8) Highlight point #1

It is verrrrry important to have an impact on the audience.

Nah!

Not the story.

Not the characters.

Not the dress even.

But the name.

Why are you repeating yourself? You will ask me…

Well, my dear friend As Bejan Daruwala, Sunita menon would support me on this, I must say that the name of the serial will make or break the serials records…

 

So to give you some tips..

Add some exxxxtraaa letters to the namesss..

Gottt ittt!

Well here we go again…

  1. Pehhli nazzarrr meinn aisaa jaaddoo karr diyaa
  2. Dill girra daffatannn
  3. Tujhh meinn rabb dikhhtaa haiii
  4. Hhauule hhauule hho jaayegaa pyaarrr
  5. Phirr millengge challte challte
  6. Lovvee meraa hitt hitt

 

See what an IMPACT they have now.

You must be feeling a rush of blood to your brains…

Wow! I thought so!

 

P.S: The letters underlined are the specially added ones. We had a long chat/ discussion with the spiritual gurus and they have confirmed that adding these letters will bring good luck to you.

 

No yaar, really… See they have recommended for (Suniel Shetty, Karriena Kapoor and many such leading stars. They are rocking….err… Not so much… but our gurus are sure one day these stars will…well time will tell… if they have any… that is!)

 

9) Select the right time…

See, programming is all about getting captive audiences.

  • Do you want your serial to stand out?
  • Do you want housewives to beg more to watch your serial?
  • Do you want good TRP ratings*?
  • Do you want sponsors knocking your doors?

Well then my friend, here are some basic points you must understand…

  • Afternoons: (12:00-15:00hrs)

Housewives are usually bored to death watching the same serials with no content whatsoever. They have had done enough eating, resting, meeting friends, shopping since morning. They need a break from the usual humdrum, mundane lifestyle

How long will they watch the serials on Star plus, Zee, Sony (And now NDTV Imagine, 9X, IBN-Don’t imagine, XXL and the others)

They have a good 3 hours to spare. See where you can fit in so that they can tune in!

  • Prime times: (20:00-23:00hrs)

This is the time for mega serials. Heavy and chunky and dramatic stuff. If you have what it takes to grab attention go for it. The big bucks stop here. Any increase in dramatic scene will see your TAM scores* reach it’s peak. (Remember when Mihir died, Tulsi kills her Ma-in-law, Her son Ansh… The whole nation glued their eyes) And so did the sponsors…

 

 

10) Event calendar

No matter what the day, keep a tab on the events happening throughout the year. They are an integral part of the serial. Here are some examples:

  • Diwali
  • Christmas
  • Dushehra
  • Durga pooja
  • Ganesh chaturthi
  • Raksha Bandhan
  • Eid/ Ramzan
  • Women’s day
  • Mother’s day
  • Republic day
  • Independence day
  • Teacher’s day
  • Children’s day
  • Pongal/ Onam (In case you are doing it down south)

See, I have listed almost 12 festivals/ events, you have to include all these events in your episodes. A month or 3 weeks before show that the people are getting prepared to celebrate in their homes etc… drag… drag… etc

Still drag…

 

See, your serial is almost a year old now!

 

Well, please do send in more tips so that we can have a library of information.

We can then start an institution for serial killers.

 

Oh! So you have run out of chicklets now is it? Your jawbones are way too tired to punch the gum further. Time up is it?

 

Well the taste of chicklets may fade within some time, but how long does the serials really last?

That’s for you to decide…

 

Glossary:

TRP: Television Rating Points

A percentage of the audience who are exposed to (Or View) the program on the particular channel at the particular time. The higher it goes, the program becomes more popular

 

TAM: Television Audience Measurement

The research company who measure the TV ratings based on a pre-specified respondents

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Blame it on Ratings!

I was channel surfing the other day hoping to find something worthwhile on television. It’s been a while since we have seen any good program on TV. I sometimes really wonder how housewives go through the ordeal of saas-bahu saga and go all over it again on a different channel, different time. A look at the program title and you know that “Oh! I know what happens” Become so formulaic these days.

 

So while I was hesitant and quite concerned with the same concept being applied to reality television. I was thinking no different.

 

The list is really endless and mindless…

  • Jhalak dikhlajaa
  • Jodi no. 1
  • Chota packet, bada dhamaal
  • Dance India dance
  • Zara nach ke dikha
  • Aaja mahi vey

So without any hopes to find great expectations, I kept surfing and suddenly there this famous person whose image flashed like a 1000 watt light bulb. It was so good to see him after a long time…

 

Let me just take you down the memory lane… and his body of work… above all his contribution to India…

 

“MsoNormal” style=”margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;”>Rewind…

 

Born September 24, 1950, Patiala, India is a former Indian cricketer (1969-1989) and current cricket analyst. He is commonly known as “Jimmy”. He is the son of Lala Amarnath, the first post-independence captain of India. His brother Surinder Amarnath was a Test player. His brother Rajinder Amarnath is a former first class cricket and current cricket

 

Yes, I am talking about none other than Mohinder Amarnath who made his debut against Australia at Chennai in December 1969.

12144841996631 

He was seen, in the latter part of his career, as the finest Indian batsman against express pace. Both Imran Khan and Malcolm Marshall have praised his batsmanship, courage and ability to endure and master pain. In 1982-83 Mohinder played 11 test matches against Pakistan (5) and the West Indies (6) and scored over 1000 runs in the two series. In his “Idols”, Sunil Gavaskar described Mohinder as the finest batsman in the world.

He made his first test century at Perth at the WACA (the fastest and bounciest wicket in the world) batting against Jeff Thomson at his fastest. He followed this test century with another 10 against top class fast bowling.

Imran Khan regarded him so highly that in his “All Round View” he went on record to say that in the 1982-83 season, Mohinder was quite simply the best batsman in the world. Imran further went on to state that Mohinder should have played non-stop for India right from his debut in 1969 to the time he retired. Mohinder never had a steady place in the Indian test side. Others would play much worse than he did and never be dropped.

Mohinder is known as the come back man of Indian cricket. During his two decades at the top, he was dropped from the Indian side on several occasions and every time he fought his way back with sterling performances. After his debut series he had to wait until 1975 to make it into the team.

Mohinder made his debut in 1969 as a quick-bowling all rounder but at his peak, he was a top order batsman who always played at No. 3 for India. He was also handy with the ball, swinging and cutting the ball with great skill and control.

 

Mohinder Amarnath played 69 Tests scoring 4,378 runs at an batting average of 42.50, with 11 hundreds and 24 fifties, and claimed 32 wickets at a bowling average of 55.68 apiece. In 85 One Day Internationals, he scored 1,924 runs at an average of 30.53 and a highest score of 102 n.o. and claimed 46 wickets at 42.84 apiece.

Mohinder Amarnath

Personal information

Batting style

Right-handed batsman

Bowling style

Right-arm medium

Career statistics

 

Tests

ODIs

 

 

Matches

69

85

 

 

Runs scored

4378

1924

 

 

Batting average

42.50

30.53

 

 

100s/50s

11/24

2/13

 

 

Top score

138

102

 

 

Balls bowled

612

455

 

 

Wickets

32

46

 

 

Bowling average

55.68

42.84

 

 

5 wickets in innings

0

0

 

 

10 wickets in match

0

n/a

 

 

Best bowling

4/63

3/12

 

 

Catches/stumpings

47/-

23/-

 

 

Source: [1], 22 August 2005

Mohinder Amarnath is known for his legendary performance in the 1983 Cricket World Cup. He was awarded “Man of the Match” in the finals and semi-finals, having led India to their first ever one-day international title.

In the semi-finals against England his accurate seam bowling fetched him the top-order wickets of David Gower and Mike Gatting. He gave away only 27 runs in his 12 overs, for an average of 2.25 an over, the lowest among all Indian bowlers. Returning to bat, he scored 46 runs to give India a solid start. He was named the Man of the Match.

 

Such was the legend called “Mohinder Amarnath”

 

Cut to present…

 

But wait, wait, wait, wait… what’s this dude doin’ on this channel… I mean Sony TV

 mohinder_amarnath_and_lilia1

Imagine, the guy who in every sense did India proud is on a dance program. Oh! Maybe he’s one of the judges, (What? He’s miles away from dancing. How can he be a judge?) There were already 3 ladies (Saroj Khan… looks like shes running out of film offers, Juhi-one wonders how she was a leading lady when all she does these days is throw a wooden face on viewers like us and then there’s Vaibhavi Merchant)

 Whaaaat? Mohinder is one of the dancing participants? How can that be?

Then the program unfolded… some stupid God forsaken scenes, cries, gossips, hot news… you name it and you got it!

 

One cannot believe what’s happening on television these days. The bucks are so big, saaley Gadhey ko bhi baap bana denge (Even donkeys will be treated like dads!) But alas, in this case Mohinder was turned out to be the former one! Did he have to accept to do this? I am sure the answer would be no!

 

And then you guess what? There was another personality…

 

He started his education in St. Xaviers School, Pakyong, East Sikkim and won a eventually Scholarship SAI to attend the Tashi Namgyal Academy in Gangtok. He went on to play for several school and local clubs in his home state of Sikkim. A stellar performance at the 1992 Subroto Cup brought him to the notice of the football establishment. Former India goalkeeper Bhaskar Ganguly spotted his talent and helped him make a move to Calcutta football.
In 1993, at the age of sixteen, he left school to join the professional East Bengal Club in Calcutta. In 1995, he moved to JCT Mills, Phagwara, which went on to win the India National Football League that year. Bhutia was the top scorer in the league, and was chosen to play in the Nehru Cup. He was named “1996 Indian Player of the Year” and has won numerous other awards since then.

bhutia

In 1997 he returned to East Bengal, and became team captain in the 1998-99 season. Baichung Bhutia has the unique distinction of scoring the only hatrick in the Derby Clashes between East Bengal and Mohun Bagan, when he registered the same in East Bengal’s 4-1 triumph in 1997 Federation Cup Semi Final. In 1999 he travelled overseas to play for Bury F.C. after unsuccessful trials with both Fulham F.C. and Aston Villa F.C. with the move improving his conditioning and strategy. In 2002 he returned to India and played for the Mohun Bagan AC for a year before returning again to the East Bengal Club, helping them to win the Asean Cup (Association of South East Asian Nations) Club Championship. He signed up to play for Perak, the Malaysian championship club, from August to October 2003 and returning to East Bengal for the regular season. He continued to play for East Bengal till the end of 2005-2006 season. In 2006, he joined Mohun Bagan AC and has remained with them since then. He has recently renewed his contract for a further two years from 2008 to 2010 with the Mohun Bagan. He played in the Goal 4 Africa match held in the Allianz Arena, Munich on 12 July 2008 for the Edu team led by Clarence Seedorf and scored twice. He scored twice in the AFC Challenge Cup against Turkmenistan. He was also selected as the most valuable player of the tournament.

Imagine their contribution towards sports be it Cricket and Football respectively.

What in the name of entertainment are we watching?

Why should Mohinder and Baichung request (Read Beg please) viewers to send SMS to make them win the title. (Hi, I am Mohinder/ Baichung and you all know me… If you liked my dance, please aap mujhe vote Karen. Aap SMS karenge toh main aur dance kar sakoonga) What nonsense is this? What is their problem? Money? Have they themselves gone down so little that they will accept any shit thrown in by the media to them?

And coming to Sony TV, if at all you want to cash in on popularity or whatever can’t you include the yesteryear’s stars who almost faded from public memory and get them to dance back. You think we as viewers will watch any shit thrown in our face. This is preposterous and totally unacceptable?

And then there was this brouhaha about Monica Singh Bedi who retold her past with full aplomb (Sans glycerine) so that the SMS can keep ringing in her name.

Her dance was nowhere close to a 5 (Out of 10) and all the judges rated her 30 (10 each) as is she is one of those Olympic Gymnasts who just scored a perfect 10.

I am a media planner by profession. I, at this point of time hate to admit it. But that’s the fact. We plan media where there is lot of viewership. We do a lot of research into what the viewers watch and build our media plans accordingly. These include just plotting spots or buying the whole program for sponsorship. We also take into account whether sponsoring this program will give a positive connection with the brand etc… But I can definitely say this in print here that had it been my choice to sponsor this program, I would definitely tell my client to withdraw from the program.

We are all to be blamed. The agencies, the channels, the viewers. There has to be a full stop to these kind of garbage. Just like how we have the CBFC rating system for films, likewise there has to be such rating systems for TV shows and programs. They should take into account all the factors and then decide what to be aired on TV.
I guess that will also put full stop to the nonsensical Saas-Bahus dramas which no way reflects the culture that India has (Yes it kind of boosted the rates of post marital-affairs, live-in relations etc)

I must say, I was better growing up with serials like Hum log, Buniyaad, Mohan joshi haazir ho, Mr ya Mrs, Yeh jo hai Zindagi, chitrahaar…. Just to name a few.

And those times never dictated the need for viewership… But these days you just blame everything on TRPs (Television Rating Point) and get away with it

 

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